State of my life- April 2019

It seems that we actually spent more than we made this month.  We spent about 115% of what we made.  Not sure why or how that happened but it does explain why we were having to pull from savings so often this month.

One curiosity in our April expenses is the Credit Card bill.  Yes, it’s true that we’re trying to pay it down but we threw 29% of our money towards it this month.  Last month was my bonus month and we allocated 37% income to it.  Typically we seem to run about 15%.

I’m not sure if Dana is going for broke trying to get it paid off once and for all or if she’s channeling dance expenses through it and paying them off as she goes.  I suppose I could ask (may cause trouble) or take a look at the statement myself.  I hope she’s going for broke towards paying it off because if she is, based on the last statement I saw, we should be getting damned close to having it done.

We also had a large hit for a hotel room (Fashion & Leisure) this month due to needing to book ahead for Elissa’s Tampa trip. 

• 4% Car
• 1% Entertainment
• 11% Fashion & Lesure 
• 22% Food
• 8% Home Goods
• 49% Monthly Bills
• 1% Pets
• 3% Wellness
• 1% Education

Other notable spending items:

Electronics (Fashion & Leisure) remained high but we had software for tax to buy, I got a game and a new watch, and Elissa seems to buy some online game just about every day ($60 in apps this month) so that’s where that is going.

Gifts (Fashion & Leisure) was high but it was Elissa’s birthday Month and as far as birthday months go it was on trend with spending for the rest of the family.

Fast food (Food) was higher this month than it’s been all year and I don’t really know why.  I bought breakfast for the family a few mornings and Dana ate a bunch of Jimmy Johns but I also spent more on my daily chips and soda.  No clue how or why it’s more, but it is.

Oddly Restaurants and Groceries (Food) was lower this month than any other.  Those are always really heavy hitters so it’s nice to see them trending downward.  Heck, we even treated Dana’s parents to diner on a few occasions including a $103 tab for her birthday movie as well as $70 on pizza for her class.  I count whatever happened here as a small miracle.

Home improvement (Home Goods) was a little high but that’s due to needing to replace the breaker and a thermostat more than anything else.  All of the other expenses are just odds and ends.

Spa and massage (Wellness) was higher this month than it’s ever been before but drilling into it, it seems to be just a bunch of make-up and shit.  I probably could have classified these charges better.

Most other types of spending seemed to be trending downwards somewhat slightly.  Overall, a pretty good month except for the Hotel and the Credit Cards.

For Diet:

Eh, it is what it is.  Some days are better than others and overall I really do try but I haven’t really been trying this week and my weight hasn’t really changed at all.  I’ve got the record but it’s not really worth it to post a chart.  Just one steady flat line like the EKG of a corpse.

As far as everything else goes:

Well, it’s a mixed bag but it’s all very stressful and full of drama so at least things are constant and normal for us.  The long and short of it is this ---

Elissa got invited to dance for a new company in an environment that looks like it will be overall better for her and also be surrounded by old friends.  There is still paper work to sign and studio spaces to move into so nothing is guaranteed but it looks like it’s happening and it seems to be an overall good opportunity for her.

However, at the place where she’s dancing now she was promoted and yes, that’s good BUT… when her teachers started telling us about the state of her progress I asked some pointed questions about what they were seeing and how they were addressing areas of deficiency and it became fairly obvious that they weren’t really giving her much attention nor working towards some plan towards higher achievement for her.

It was troubling but also enlightening to find out that they’d essentially written her off as a back row core dancer even though she was in their pre-professional program as a student at the same level as most of the others.  Her teachers were also visibly upset when we left the meeting because they hadn’t been able to explain themselves and they knew that they’d essentially talked themselves into a corner and been caught not fulfilling their half of the contract we signed with them.

As for my part, I was very polite and friendly.  Dana was upset but beyond just seeming sad about it all there was no ill words exchanged.

So we kept Elissa out of class for 2 days to sort of work through it all and try to find our bearings.  On Friday, when she went back to class, her teachers fucking withdrew her promotion and basically kicked her out of the company that’s she’d been dancing for, for 2 years.  They also call us into their office to explain to us that, we’d asked too many questions about decisions that they had made and that it was best for her not to dance for them for at least a year.

Well this upset just about everyone and now Dana and the kiddo sort of exist in the constant state of anxiety and depression that also sort of drifts in and out of rage.  Doesn’t make for enjoyable conversation.

So to sum it all up, Elissa was extended a very good dance opportunity by people who respect her talents and want to work with her, the company where she now dances promoted her and then kicked her out within 72 hours of doing so, and everyone is sad and nervous and angry all the time.

But hey, I did finish the guest shower (looks like shit) and got the solar panels mounted on the roof so it hasn’t all been bad… or good… or whatever it is.

State of my Life (Mar 2019)

Because of my bonus check, this month’s percentages are a little weird.  I’m still going to report them just to get a high level picture of what we were spending on money on in March and where we could improve.

We spent about 69% of what we made this month.  Doing the best I can to factor out the effects of the bonus (both extra spending and income) it looks like we actually spend about 88% of what we made.  This is an improvement over last month even though we outspent ourselves by about $500 from last month (longer month).

Of the extra purchases justified by the bonus, we put $3,000 to our credit card debt, I bought an expensive pair of headphones for $180, as well as a new BBQ grill (much needed) for $530, and stuff to set up a solar heater for the pool for $385.  The remainder went into savings.

Here’s the 10,000 foot view.

·      

4% Car

·       2% Entertainment

·       4% Fashion & Leisure

·       21% Food

·       12% Home Goods

·       52% Monthly Bills

·       1% Pets

·       2% Wellness

·       2% Education

Now here’s the 10,000 foot view with the bonus factored out.

·       5% Car

·       2% Entertainment

·       4% Fashion & Leisure

·       29% Food

·       8% Home Goods

·       43% Monthly Bills

·       2% Pets

·       3% Wellness

·       3% Education

I’m not entirely sure why I decided to go to that level of granular detail except to demonstrate that our spending habits haven’t changed that month from month to month.  If anything we spend 2% more of food (Atlanta trip), 5% more on Home Goods (probably because I’ve been picking up steam remodeling again), and 8% less on education (less YAGP bullshit) percentage-wise as we did last month.

Other notable spending items:

37% of our entire spending was to the credit card bill.

We spent about $304 more on restaurants than we did last month but this makes sense when you factor in the Atlanta trip.  We spent almost $590 on food during that trip so it’s possible that we actually would have spent less this month on eating out than last had it not been for our travel.

Actually, in many factors of our spending we were down from last month overall.  I’m not going to break it all down but from the looks of it, I’d say we did pretty well in March. Still, it’s hard to get a complete picture because of the effects of the bonus.

Even that awful dance was down. $645 from February.  Happy days are here again!

For Diet:

I’m not really going to include a chart.  There’s a whole week of days where I wasn’t able to record my weight and honestly, it didn’t fluctuate that much.  If I were to be completely on the up and up, I would have to say that I gained about 2 pounds this month (as my recording from yesterday indicated) but this morning’s weight shows that I actually lost 0.1 pound so that’s the one I’m going to go with.

As far as everything else goes:

I’ve actually started challenging myself with my daily list by adding more items than I think I can get to during the day and trying to blow through them all the same.  I’m rarely successful but still, I’m much more productive than I would have been otherwise.  It’s kind of fun in a sick, psychotic way.

Also, remember when I wrote last month about how happy I was that rodeo was over and that my time was all mine from here on out?  Yeah, well I’m now in 2 more ballets.  Midsummer Night which runs next weekend, as well as the recital.  I’m actually pretty mad about it all.

I mean, it would be one think if my kid was a superstar and I got to share that moment with her but as it is now, I’m more of the star than her and I fucking hate ballet.  Part of her problem is that she’s allowed herself to become lazy (because she keeps getting shoved in the back so why try, right) and the rest is a layered mess of issues that brings nothing but pain and misery.

Honestly, after Atlanta (where he performance was poor and our investment high), I really want nothing to do with dance at all anymore.  I’m on complete autopilot right now and in my heart of hearts I have little faith that there’s anything our kid can do to turn it around.  It brings me no pleasure to say this but I feel that the sun is beginning to set on that chapter of our lives.  Even if the kiddo wants to keep at it, I just don’t think I can stomach being a part of it anymore.

So… how’s that for a happy note to end it all on?  Excepting everything about the dance and the entire reason we went, Atlanta was fun, I guess.  I finished the shower in the guest bathroom and even though it looks like shit, at least it’s done.  Also, we got another credit card paid off and we’re well on track to get the final one paid off before the end of summer. 

Things aren’t all bad, they’re just not really that good either.

Complete

Complete lack of motivation to do anything in the guest bathroom shower.  I need to just bite the bullet this weekend and get it done so I cam move on to other projects.  I don't want to touch it since screwing up the tile level on that one wall and I do everything I can to avoid it.  I realize this so I'm setting a restriction on myself for this weekend.  NOTHING GETS DONE BESIDES SHOWER WORK!

An update about nothing

Not much progress on my projects nor healthy living this weekend.  I plan to get back on task tonight but, to be honest, I’m a little burnt out.  I’m tired of having multiple obligations every single day, I’m tired of tiling that shower, and I’m tired of seeing every single mistake I’ve made every time I look at it.  Hopefully I can finish it up this week.  I’m close but still far away.  I’ve got one more wall, then the doorway, then the floor. 

Wish I had better news to report but nothing fun is happening right now and nothing productive has happened for several days.  I long to start a new project and be done with that bathroom.  I hate it.

State of my Life (Feb 2019)

We spent about 91% of what we made this month and about $400 less than last month.  Of course, this month had two fewer days than last so I’m not sure if we showed any actual improvement.  If you factor out our aggressive credit card payments we spent about 77% of what we made.

What are we spending our money on? 

4% Car

2% Entertainment

9% Fashion & Leisure

27% Food

3% Home Goods

38% Mortgage

4% Pets

2% Wellness

11% Education

Notable breakouts

Almost 3% of all spending went to vet bills to get Sagan’s teeth cleaned.

5% of our spending was on clothes.  3% of our spending was on clothes for me because I needed them and I’ probably not done yet

We somehow outspent ourselves in food this month over the last by nearly $220.  This one really boggles me because I feel like we ate more at home in February (I know we did) and I was trying to shop for cheaper groceries.  The only thing I can point to as being a factor was Dana’s birthday diner as well as the treats we bought for the kid’s to eat at the Youth Dance Fest

And speaking of dance, we somehow outspent ourselves this month over the last by a little more than $100.  Once again, I’m baffled excepting to say that at least $200 of that should have been a January expense (Old check) and the rest was mostly due to Elissa’s rehab training which is making a difference.

For gifts we spent about $200 more than we did last month because of Dana’s birthday and Valentine’s Day.  This is a no brainer.

As for the diet:

Well, almost every day that I tracked I exceeded my calorie budget and most days were over 2,000 so I’m not going to even bother doing a breakdown.  Let’s just say that this month was not ideal.  I did lose a bunch of weight when I was sick but quickly put it back on.  Only during the past week have I started pulling it back into place.  As of today, I’m 1 pound lighter than I was when I started the month.

I can’t say I’m happy with Feb but at least I showed a little improvement and it was a very tough month.  With being sick, the Rodeo performance, and trying to keep Elissa current in school I felt like there was never a single moment to just focus on any one thing. 

I am getting better at ticking off all of my daily task on my list.  I think this is a result of (1.) learning how to make more realistic lists and (2.) getting back the extra time during my week when I used to be dancing Rodeo.  I know I complain about it a lot but that’s because it really was a terrible imposition.  I enjoyed the experience but it was essentially an earthquake that I’m still suffering aftershocks from.

In March, we have out trip to Atlanta which will disrupt both spending and diet, I’m sure but beyond that, I can’t think of too many other things that could cause me trouble.  Hopefully the road ahead will be smooth and the weather dry.

Dreaming

An odd thing has happened to me here lately.  For the past 3 nights, I’ve actually slept deeply enough to dream.  This is a big thing for me because, usually I sleep in fits and spurts, and they never seem to be long enough to enter a dream state. 

The first night, I dreamt that Elissa and I were at a daddy daughter dance and that she left me to run off with some cool boy.  There was a song that was playing where the chorus was “Everybody wants to spit in my hair”, and a water slide across the street called the Koala T, which would scream “QUALITY” every time someone slid down it.

The night after, I dreamed that our house had a bunch of secret rooms and passages and somehow this was all connected to Spider man.  I’m not really sure how but there was a party and a fight started and one of the guys who was getting beat up turned out to be him.  Once his true identity was revealed, the plot escalated into some sort of caper involving quantum jumps and space aliens.  Unfortunately, I woke up before I was able to resolve it all.

Last night, I dreamt I was a superhero who could turn himself into a whale to rescue other whales.  I used my powers to direct them away from danger.  I don’t remember many details except that I somehow rescued a baby beluga who was stuck in frozen waters by melting the ice and diving down with it until I’d gotten it to safety.

I like dreaming.  It makes me want to sleep more. 

Tiling went badly last night.  I’m not sure how but my lines are off in the corners pretty badly.  I’m trying to gradually direct them back into place using some gradual cuts but it’s taking up my time and causing me to use up a bunch of tiles in the process.  I’m so sick of this shower.

Oh yeah, one last thing.  I’m in another damned ballet.  Basically, I showed up for pas class and was told that I was hired.  So far it seems like it’s going to be less of a commitment than Rodeo was but still, it takes up about 2 hours right smack dab in the middle of the day on my Saturdays.  Ugh.

Setting them up and knocking them down

I need to share this impressive list from yesterday.  Granted, I cheated somewhat with the laundry (I just kicked off a batch that Dana had put in the washer) and the dog (the kid washed him for me) but the rest of it is all me.  I’m pretty darned proud of myself.

I almost made it up half of the other wall with tiling last night.  I probably could have but I forgot that starting a new row is always hard at the beginning trying to make sure everything is leveled out and stacking correctly.  The truth is, for about the first 4 or 5 rows, it’s not exactly level as it stands now but it’s so miniscule a difference, I’m hoping that it won’t be noticeable once everything else is done.

The challenge of this new wall is that I had to use the mortar to somewhat build it out at the base as it doesn’t have the same indentation that the other walls Have.  Of course, I probably could have just bricked it flat but I truly wanted it to match the rest with the base molding so I took extra time to put it on thick.  Once again, the results aren’t perfect but I’m hoping any errors aren’t that noticeable.

Tonight is pizza night (if Dana wants to go) and tomorrow is pas night so there won’t be any tiling getting done for the next two days but I should have most of Saturday and all of Sunday to continue.  Who knows, maybe I will get it done.  I really should either scrape the top half (since I decided I want to go to the ceiling) or paint some water proofing over it so I could do that while I’m waiting to have the time to set tile again just to keep things moving in the right direction.  

I didn’t do anything to the top half of the wall with the shower head and that worries me somewhat.  I plan to be as rough as I can with cleaning and scraping between the tile before setting the grout just to make sure everything is secured as good as possible.  Sometimes, this mortar that I’m using doesn’t like to adhere to the tiles.  I’m mixing it correctly but I don’t think I’m spreading it thick enough.  I’m pretty bad at spreading it.