State of my life- April 2019

It seems that we actually spent more than we made this month.  We spent about 115% of what we made.  Not sure why or how that happened but it does explain why we were having to pull from savings so often this month.

One curiosity in our April expenses is the Credit Card bill.  Yes, it’s true that we’re trying to pay it down but we threw 29% of our money towards it this month.  Last month was my bonus month and we allocated 37% income to it.  Typically we seem to run about 15%.

I’m not sure if Dana is going for broke trying to get it paid off once and for all or if she’s channeling dance expenses through it and paying them off as she goes.  I suppose I could ask (may cause trouble) or take a look at the statement myself.  I hope she’s going for broke towards paying it off because if she is, based on the last statement I saw, we should be getting damned close to having it done.

We also had a large hit for a hotel room (Fashion & Leisure) this month due to needing to book ahead for Elissa’s Tampa trip. 

• 4% Car
• 1% Entertainment
• 11% Fashion & Lesure 
• 22% Food
• 8% Home Goods
• 49% Monthly Bills
• 1% Pets
• 3% Wellness
• 1% Education

Other notable spending items:

Electronics (Fashion & Leisure) remained high but we had software for tax to buy, I got a game and a new watch, and Elissa seems to buy some online game just about every day ($60 in apps this month) so that’s where that is going.

Gifts (Fashion & Leisure) was high but it was Elissa’s birthday Month and as far as birthday months go it was on trend with spending for the rest of the family.

Fast food (Food) was higher this month than it’s been all year and I don’t really know why.  I bought breakfast for the family a few mornings and Dana ate a bunch of Jimmy Johns but I also spent more on my daily chips and soda.  No clue how or why it’s more, but it is.

Oddly Restaurants and Groceries (Food) was lower this month than any other.  Those are always really heavy hitters so it’s nice to see them trending downward.  Heck, we even treated Dana’s parents to diner on a few occasions including a $103 tab for her birthday movie as well as $70 on pizza for her class.  I count whatever happened here as a small miracle.

Home improvement (Home Goods) was a little high but that’s due to needing to replace the breaker and a thermostat more than anything else.  All of the other expenses are just odds and ends.

Spa and massage (Wellness) was higher this month than it’s ever been before but drilling into it, it seems to be just a bunch of make-up and shit.  I probably could have classified these charges better.

Most other types of spending seemed to be trending downwards somewhat slightly.  Overall, a pretty good month except for the Hotel and the Credit Cards.

For Diet:

Eh, it is what it is.  Some days are better than others and overall I really do try but I haven’t really been trying this week and my weight hasn’t really changed at all.  I’ve got the record but it’s not really worth it to post a chart.  Just one steady flat line like the EKG of a corpse.

As far as everything else goes:

Well, it’s a mixed bag but it’s all very stressful and full of drama so at least things are constant and normal for us.  The long and short of it is this ---

Elissa got invited to dance for a new company in an environment that looks like it will be overall better for her and also be surrounded by old friends.  There is still paper work to sign and studio spaces to move into so nothing is guaranteed but it looks like it’s happening and it seems to be an overall good opportunity for her.

However, at the place where she’s dancing now she was promoted and yes, that’s good BUT… when her teachers started telling us about the state of her progress I asked some pointed questions about what they were seeing and how they were addressing areas of deficiency and it became fairly obvious that they weren’t really giving her much attention nor working towards some plan towards higher achievement for her.

It was troubling but also enlightening to find out that they’d essentially written her off as a back row core dancer even though she was in their pre-professional program as a student at the same level as most of the others.  Her teachers were also visibly upset when we left the meeting because they hadn’t been able to explain themselves and they knew that they’d essentially talked themselves into a corner and been caught not fulfilling their half of the contract we signed with them.

As for my part, I was very polite and friendly.  Dana was upset but beyond just seeming sad about it all there was no ill words exchanged.

So we kept Elissa out of class for 2 days to sort of work through it all and try to find our bearings.  On Friday, when she went back to class, her teachers fucking withdrew her promotion and basically kicked her out of the company that’s she’d been dancing for, for 2 years.  They also call us into their office to explain to us that, we’d asked too many questions about decisions that they had made and that it was best for her not to dance for them for at least a year.

Well this upset just about everyone and now Dana and the kiddo sort of exist in the constant state of anxiety and depression that also sort of drifts in and out of rage.  Doesn’t make for enjoyable conversation.

So to sum it all up, Elissa was extended a very good dance opportunity by people who respect her talents and want to work with her, the company where she now dances promoted her and then kicked her out within 72 hours of doing so, and everyone is sad and nervous and angry all the time.

But hey, I did finish the guest shower (looks like shit) and got the solar panels mounted on the roof so it hasn’t all been bad… or good… or whatever it is.

State of my Life (Mar 2019)

Because of my bonus check, this month’s percentages are a little weird.  I’m still going to report them just to get a high level picture of what we were spending on money on in March and where we could improve.

We spent about 69% of what we made this month.  Doing the best I can to factor out the effects of the bonus (both extra spending and income) it looks like we actually spend about 88% of what we made.  This is an improvement over last month even though we outspent ourselves by about $500 from last month (longer month).

Of the extra purchases justified by the bonus, we put $3,000 to our credit card debt, I bought an expensive pair of headphones for $180, as well as a new BBQ grill (much needed) for $530, and stuff to set up a solar heater for the pool for $385.  The remainder went into savings.

Here’s the 10,000 foot view.

·      

4% Car

·       2% Entertainment

·       4% Fashion & Leisure

·       21% Food

·       12% Home Goods

·       52% Monthly Bills

·       1% Pets

·       2% Wellness

·       2% Education

Now here’s the 10,000 foot view with the bonus factored out.

·       5% Car

·       2% Entertainment

·       4% Fashion & Leisure

·       29% Food

·       8% Home Goods

·       43% Monthly Bills

·       2% Pets

·       3% Wellness

·       3% Education

I’m not entirely sure why I decided to go to that level of granular detail except to demonstrate that our spending habits haven’t changed that month from month to month.  If anything we spend 2% more of food (Atlanta trip), 5% more on Home Goods (probably because I’ve been picking up steam remodeling again), and 8% less on education (less YAGP bullshit) percentage-wise as we did last month.

Other notable spending items:

37% of our entire spending was to the credit card bill.

We spent about $304 more on restaurants than we did last month but this makes sense when you factor in the Atlanta trip.  We spent almost $590 on food during that trip so it’s possible that we actually would have spent less this month on eating out than last had it not been for our travel.

Actually, in many factors of our spending we were down from last month overall.  I’m not going to break it all down but from the looks of it, I’d say we did pretty well in March. Still, it’s hard to get a complete picture because of the effects of the bonus.

Even that awful dance was down. $645 from February.  Happy days are here again!

For Diet:

I’m not really going to include a chart.  There’s a whole week of days where I wasn’t able to record my weight and honestly, it didn’t fluctuate that much.  If I were to be completely on the up and up, I would have to say that I gained about 2 pounds this month (as my recording from yesterday indicated) but this morning’s weight shows that I actually lost 0.1 pound so that’s the one I’m going to go with.

As far as everything else goes:

I’ve actually started challenging myself with my daily list by adding more items than I think I can get to during the day and trying to blow through them all the same.  I’m rarely successful but still, I’m much more productive than I would have been otherwise.  It’s kind of fun in a sick, psychotic way.

Also, remember when I wrote last month about how happy I was that rodeo was over and that my time was all mine from here on out?  Yeah, well I’m now in 2 more ballets.  Midsummer Night which runs next weekend, as well as the recital.  I’m actually pretty mad about it all.

I mean, it would be one think if my kid was a superstar and I got to share that moment with her but as it is now, I’m more of the star than her and I fucking hate ballet.  Part of her problem is that she’s allowed herself to become lazy (because she keeps getting shoved in the back so why try, right) and the rest is a layered mess of issues that brings nothing but pain and misery.

Honestly, after Atlanta (where he performance was poor and our investment high), I really want nothing to do with dance at all anymore.  I’m on complete autopilot right now and in my heart of hearts I have little faith that there’s anything our kid can do to turn it around.  It brings me no pleasure to say this but I feel that the sun is beginning to set on that chapter of our lives.  Even if the kiddo wants to keep at it, I just don’t think I can stomach being a part of it anymore.

So… how’s that for a happy note to end it all on?  Excepting everything about the dance and the entire reason we went, Atlanta was fun, I guess.  I finished the shower in the guest bathroom and even though it looks like shit, at least it’s done.  Also, we got another credit card paid off and we’re well on track to get the final one paid off before the end of summer. 

Things aren’t all bad, they’re just not really that good either.

Complete

Complete lack of motivation to do anything in the guest bathroom shower.  I need to just bite the bullet this weekend and get it done so I cam move on to other projects.  I don't want to touch it since screwing up the tile level on that one wall and I do everything I can to avoid it.  I realize this so I'm setting a restriction on myself for this weekend.  NOTHING GETS DONE BESIDES SHOWER WORK!

An update about nothing

Not much progress on my projects nor healthy living this weekend.  I plan to get back on task tonight but, to be honest, I’m a little burnt out.  I’m tired of having multiple obligations every single day, I’m tired of tiling that shower, and I’m tired of seeing every single mistake I’ve made every time I look at it.  Hopefully I can finish it up this week.  I’m close but still far away.  I’ve got one more wall, then the doorway, then the floor. 

Wish I had better news to report but nothing fun is happening right now and nothing productive has happened for several days.  I long to start a new project and be done with that bathroom.  I hate it.

State of my Life (Feb 2019)

We spent about 91% of what we made this month and about $400 less than last month.  Of course, this month had two fewer days than last so I’m not sure if we showed any actual improvement.  If you factor out our aggressive credit card payments we spent about 77% of what we made.

What are we spending our money on? 

4% Car

2% Entertainment

9% Fashion & Leisure

27% Food

3% Home Goods

38% Mortgage

4% Pets

2% Wellness

11% Education

Notable breakouts

Almost 3% of all spending went to vet bills to get Sagan’s teeth cleaned.

5% of our spending was on clothes.  3% of our spending was on clothes for me because I needed them and I’ probably not done yet

We somehow outspent ourselves in food this month over the last by nearly $220.  This one really boggles me because I feel like we ate more at home in February (I know we did) and I was trying to shop for cheaper groceries.  The only thing I can point to as being a factor was Dana’s birthday diner as well as the treats we bought for the kid’s to eat at the Youth Dance Fest

And speaking of dance, we somehow outspent ourselves this month over the last by a little more than $100.  Once again, I’m baffled excepting to say that at least $200 of that should have been a January expense (Old check) and the rest was mostly due to Elissa’s rehab training which is making a difference.

For gifts we spent about $200 more than we did last month because of Dana’s birthday and Valentine’s Day.  This is a no brainer.

As for the diet:

Well, almost every day that I tracked I exceeded my calorie budget and most days were over 2,000 so I’m not going to even bother doing a breakdown.  Let’s just say that this month was not ideal.  I did lose a bunch of weight when I was sick but quickly put it back on.  Only during the past week have I started pulling it back into place.  As of today, I’m 1 pound lighter than I was when I started the month.

I can’t say I’m happy with Feb but at least I showed a little improvement and it was a very tough month.  With being sick, the Rodeo performance, and trying to keep Elissa current in school I felt like there was never a single moment to just focus on any one thing. 

I am getting better at ticking off all of my daily task on my list.  I think this is a result of (1.) learning how to make more realistic lists and (2.) getting back the extra time during my week when I used to be dancing Rodeo.  I know I complain about it a lot but that’s because it really was a terrible imposition.  I enjoyed the experience but it was essentially an earthquake that I’m still suffering aftershocks from.

In March, we have out trip to Atlanta which will disrupt both spending and diet, I’m sure but beyond that, I can’t think of too many other things that could cause me trouble.  Hopefully the road ahead will be smooth and the weather dry.

Dreaming

An odd thing has happened to me here lately.  For the past 3 nights, I’ve actually slept deeply enough to dream.  This is a big thing for me because, usually I sleep in fits and spurts, and they never seem to be long enough to enter a dream state. 

The first night, I dreamt that Elissa and I were at a daddy daughter dance and that she left me to run off with some cool boy.  There was a song that was playing where the chorus was “Everybody wants to spit in my hair”, and a water slide across the street called the Koala T, which would scream “QUALITY” every time someone slid down it.

The night after, I dreamed that our house had a bunch of secret rooms and passages and somehow this was all connected to Spider man.  I’m not really sure how but there was a party and a fight started and one of the guys who was getting beat up turned out to be him.  Once his true identity was revealed, the plot escalated into some sort of caper involving quantum jumps and space aliens.  Unfortunately, I woke up before I was able to resolve it all.

Last night, I dreamt I was a superhero who could turn himself into a whale to rescue other whales.  I used my powers to direct them away from danger.  I don’t remember many details except that I somehow rescued a baby beluga who was stuck in frozen waters by melting the ice and diving down with it until I’d gotten it to safety.

I like dreaming.  It makes me want to sleep more. 

Tiling went badly last night.  I’m not sure how but my lines are off in the corners pretty badly.  I’m trying to gradually direct them back into place using some gradual cuts but it’s taking up my time and causing me to use up a bunch of tiles in the process.  I’m so sick of this shower.

Oh yeah, one last thing.  I’m in another damned ballet.  Basically, I showed up for pas class and was told that I was hired.  So far it seems like it’s going to be less of a commitment than Rodeo was but still, it takes up about 2 hours right smack dab in the middle of the day on my Saturdays.  Ugh.

Setting them up and knocking them down

I need to share this impressive list from yesterday.  Granted, I cheated somewhat with the laundry (I just kicked off a batch that Dana had put in the washer) and the dog (the kid washed him for me) but the rest of it is all me.  I’m pretty darned proud of myself.

I almost made it up half of the other wall with tiling last night.  I probably could have but I forgot that starting a new row is always hard at the beginning trying to make sure everything is leveled out and stacking correctly.  The truth is, for about the first 4 or 5 rows, it’s not exactly level as it stands now but it’s so miniscule a difference, I’m hoping that it won’t be noticeable once everything else is done.

The challenge of this new wall is that I had to use the mortar to somewhat build it out at the base as it doesn’t have the same indentation that the other walls Have.  Of course, I probably could have just bricked it flat but I truly wanted it to match the rest with the base molding so I took extra time to put it on thick.  Once again, the results aren’t perfect but I’m hoping any errors aren’t that noticeable.

Tonight is pizza night (if Dana wants to go) and tomorrow is pas night so there won’t be any tiling getting done for the next two days but I should have most of Saturday and all of Sunday to continue.  Who knows, maybe I will get it done.  I really should either scrape the top half (since I decided I want to go to the ceiling) or paint some water proofing over it so I could do that while I’m waiting to have the time to set tile again just to keep things moving in the right direction.  

I didn’t do anything to the top half of the wall with the shower head and that worries me somewhat.  I plan to be as rough as I can with cleaning and scraping between the tile before setting the grout just to make sure everything is secured as good as possible.  Sometimes, this mortar that I’m using doesn’t like to adhere to the tiles.  I’m mixing it correctly but I don’t think I’m spreading it thick enough.  I’m pretty bad at spreading it.

Another brick in the wall

Well my diet has kind of fallen to pieces over the last month and I still can’t seem to go to sleep without having a drink but I’m happy to report that at least one thing is back on track.  Yes, I’m tiling again and last night, I made it up the entirety of what I think will be my toughest wall.  If I can make it up another wall tonight I will be tickled pink but I’m not overly encouraged about that.  Sure, I have a free night (no Rodeo) but I need to cook and I’ll probably end up helping Elissa out with some of her school work.  If I could just get up half the wall I’ll count it as a total victory.

I also need to share something fun that we did on Presidents day.  Since we all had the day off we went to Epic Waters.  It’s this big indoor waterpark so while it was in the upper 30’s outside we were swimming in 80 degree waters.  It was really nice and we all had such a great time.  It was a good way to close out the long weekend.

Lazy but also, not.

What can I say about this week? If I had to be honest, I’m starting to feel a little guilty about being so lazy and I’m not even really being lazy.  I’m taking care of an endless array of responsibilities at the house and ticking items off of my list every single day but I’m not remodeling the house and that’s kind of nagging at me.  Still, I’m not going to start again until after Presidents Day.  That’s what I said I’d do and I’m sticking to it, not matter how irresponsible I feel about it.

In a way, I think this is good.  It’s making me miss what had definitely become a chore when I was trying to get it done while Rodeo was going on.  I think that when I start again, next week, I will have a new sense of purpose about it and a stronger resolve to get it done.

Of course, I still need to do our taxes and I intend to start on that this weekend.  I’m somewhat worried because so many people are owing this year but Dana said she did a quick down and dirty and it looks like we have a refund.  I’ll take her word for it and try not to lose any sleep.

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day so today at lunch I need to pick up some flowers for the girls.  I’m not getting any big gifts because Dana said that she’s trying to save money and pay down bills.  Her birthday is this weekend and for that, I’m getting her a gift.  Hopefully she will like it.  If she doesn’t I suppose I can send it back.

Tonight I intend to continue to help the kiddo get caught up with school. All of the performances and the auditions pushed her a little behind and she’s struggling.  I’m also struggling to find the time to help her study but hopefully tonight will be clear and we can focus on her work.  I wanted to tackle it last night but they were late getting in due to a physical therapy appointment and the kiddo was hurting from a dentist appointment earlier in the day.  

I’m not really losing any weight but I’m not gaining either which is a good thing.  I put on about a pound after my drastic six pound loss from being sick and that’s it.  This weekend is a three-day weekend so hopefully I’ll be able to keep the weight off even with Dana’s birthday celebration and the down time.  Who knows, maybe I’ll even lose some more.

Yee-haw!

It’s done!  As of this past Saturday night, I’ve danced my last Rodeo… at least for a while.  It seems like they run it about every 3 years or so, so I’m not ruling out that I could get tasked to do it again but for now…. It’s over.

I was fairly happy with my performance.  I made some mistakes but they were all minor.  I saw some of the other dads, and even the professionals make much more serious errors during the performance.  Trust me, I know that I probably didn’t look the best up there, but I remembered all the steps and pulled them off at the right moments so I count that as almost a complete and total victory.

 

Something that happened during the 11^th hour during the Friday night dress rehearsal which ended up being a really cool thing was that a girl who had a minor but significant part in the performance fell ill and Elissa was selected to fill in for her.  That was always a sticking point with me, that I was spending so much time learning this dance and my kid wasn’t even in it so, it’s like the universe decided to supply a little justice and do us a solid.  Of course, the girl was back and feeling fine by Sunday but her absence on Saturday and my daughter being tasked with her role meant so much to our family.  It was nice.

I’m sure that I will miss those rehearsals some this week.  That’s usually the way that things like this go for me.  Once something has become a part of my life, even if I hate it, I always miss it when it’s gone for some reason.

The good news is that I will finally have time to get back to working on the house.  I’m going to take this week off and not do much beyond keeping things tidy but next week I intend to attack the remodeling once again with everything I have.  Dana says she’s going to pick out colors for the wall this week so that’s a big, big deal.

COUNT THOSE CALORIES

Not really a lot to update from yesterday except that it was the first day that I have felt like I might be a bit on the mend since coming down with whatever I caught on Saturday.  It was nice to have energy again.  Of course, after Rodeo practice my tank was empty again but at least it wasn’t like Monday where I honestly thought I wasn’t going to be able to make it.

I haven’t been doing a great job of tracking my calories.  I’ve been keeping up with the budget and my task list but calorie counting has been lax.  Of course, I estimate that I probably only ate about 500 calories a day while I was sick but still, that’s one of the new habits I’m trying to maintain and I need to be better about it.

Tracked it from last night and, since it was the first day that my appetite had returned since being sick I went over.  I wish I hadn’t but I lost so much weight during the past week it was probably good of me to overeat a little.  Of course, overeating for me is around 2,200 calories but still.  I used to exist on much less per day.

Still Sick (But I've lost 6 pounds)

There really isn’t that much to say about yesterday.  I went to the grocery store at lunch, bought a few things then vacuumed.  Came home once work was done, did the dished then went to bed.

Dana called around 8pm to tell me that she wasn’t going to be able to pick up the kid so I got dressed and drove up to the studio to get her.  On the drive back I felt that something was bugging her but couldn’t get it out of her.  I don’t know, it could have just been my overall general mood.

When I got home, I went back to bed and slept till morning.  Woke up in a pool of my own sweat.  I feel like I’m getting well but who knows for sure.

Still Sick

I am still so incredibly sick so I don’t really care about keeping up with my to-do lists.  Of course, I’m still keeping them but there’s not much on them.  Basically, it’s just the bare minimum of what I have to do during any given day.

Went to Rodeo rehearsal last night.  Finished the dance doused in sweat and not energy at all.  My energy is low today as well and, as soon as I get home tonight, I’ll be going to bed.

My diet’s going great!  I’ve lost 5 pounds since this time last week.  Of course, I haven’t been eating more than a couple of calories a day, just to keep me going, but I’m losing tons of weight.  Hopefully it’ll be something good that comes out of all of this.

YAGP was the high drama experience that it always seems to be.  This one ended up alright, but started out rough.  By then end of the first day I was ready to fight someone.  In fact, I think that’s what made me sick.

During her classical solo, Elissa’s music messed up 3 times so, basically by the time that she was able to perform it in full, she was completely freaked out wondering what was going to go wrong next.  She pushed through like a pro but I knew as soon as I saw it that she wasn’t at her best.  She was wobbly on her turns and her lack of confidence was like a neon sign.

Her contemporary solo went well but it was short and the choreography on it is different than most so the judges misinterpreted a lot of it.  Her teacher was pleased with it so for me, that’s the most important thing where that dance is concerned.  In the future, we may want to have her dance a contemporary choreography that’s more palpable to the massed but this year she really needed a bonding experience with her teacher and an opportunity to let her freak flag fly.

By Saturday I was already getting sick but still had Rodeo rehearsal.  The girls went ahead up to YAGP while I practiced.  I wasn’t really planning on meeting them up there but then I got an email from Dana that they were going to let Elissa do her classical solo again.

I ran home from rehearsal, changed out of my sweaty clothes and headed up there to watch.  I made it just in time and she performed it very well.  She’s not yet at a point where she’s the best in her class yet, but she’s getting there fast and I was very happy with what I saw.

Sunday was just ensembles.  I don’t really care for any of the ones that she’s in this year so the stakes were lower but still I watched.  Once they were over we left.

Both the kiddo and I thought that Dana didn’t want to go to the awards ceremony so we went out to eat instead.  We later found out that she did but all indicators were pointing to a big NO in the moment.  After diner I went home and slept till morning.

Overall, I’m happy with 2019 YAGP.  Of course, it could have gone better but I’m glad that actions were taken to help make the experience right for both us and our kid.  Honestly, this is the first time since transferring to this school that I felt like we’ve been afforded the same graces as everyone else.

Ugh

Would love to tell you about all of the things that went on at YAGP this weekend but I'm sick as a dog.  Maybe tomorrow.

Send positive thoughts

Going to try to keep this entry short and sweet.  I’m off tomorrow and have several meetings today so time is a luxury that I can’t afford at the moment.  I seem to be busy at work more and more these days, which is a good thing, but most of what I’m doing is just logging task, which is inane.

Managed to tick off everything on my list yesterday.  It wasn’t that ambitious but getting the haircut cancelled out a good portion of time with which I would have had to clean.  Ended up getting somewhat fortunate in that Dana and the kiddo were a little later than usual getting home so I have time to get to it while I waited on them.

So, I broke a toe in Rodeo rehearsal last night.  Went to catch a girl and had to adjust my balance and in doing so ended up kicking another guy in the shin and breaking my toe.  It hurts but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let it sideline me.  I will dance this fucking ballet in a full body cast if I have to considering all the damned work and time I’ve put into it.

The kiddo has her YAGP performances this weekend.  I’m sending her all of my good luck and every positive thought that I have in the hope that she will do great.  I know that she’ll do well, but I think if she could do great and really get recognized it would open her up in so many positive ways.  I honestly feel that the effect could be kind of like the moment that George punched Biff in the face in Back to the Future.  I crave it for her more than anything and would be willing to sacrifice 10 years of my life just to get it for her.

I’m going to try to clean her room and make things as organized and easy for her as I can today.  We will all need to try to go to bed early tonight so that we’re ready to attack tomorrow with everything we’ve got.  For her, it’ll be her dances, and for Dana and I it’ll be making sure that she’s got everything she needs to succeed.

The State of the Life Address (January 2019)

Part of my effort to better myself this year was to keep an honest record of the things that I wanted to improve upon. 

First off – Income vs Spending

Almost 94% of our income, we spend.  This sounds bad and it is but the picture gets slightly better when you consider that we’re aggressively paying down debt.  If you factor that out, we spend about 80% of what we make.

What are we spending our money on?

7 % Car

2% Entertainment

5% Fashion & Leisure

22% Food

9% Home Goods

36% Monthly Bills

5% Pets

6% Wellness

7% Education

1% Investments             

These categories break down by various strata but there are a few things I want to point out.

24% of the Car expense was on rare service and maintenance charges

40% of the Fashion & Leisure was on Dana’s hair and the rest was mostly for my Rodeo costume

73% of the Home Goods was for rare Home Improvement items

33% of the Food budges was Restaurants (this is terrible)

36% of the Monthly Bills was for Credit Card Payments

And 100% of the education was for YAGP and Summer Intensive related charges.

Only time will tell but I don’t foresee most of these charges as being repeatable.  Hopefully, in the overall trend, January 2019 will be a month where we had a lot of extraneous expenses that could be easily avoided during any other time of the year.  The restaurants charge is the one that sticks out to me more than any other for which we should all be ashamed.  That was 7% of our overall spending and should be much less. 

Excluding the credit card expense (which I don’t see going away any time soon) these extra expenses comprised 24% of our overall spending.  So we could potentially get an overall gain of that amount in our monthly budget to either save or send to the credit card.  This is why I’m going through this exercise.  To identify weaknesses.

As for the diet:

There were 23 days out of 30 so far where I exceeded my daily calorie budget.  This budget is very restricted so, narrowing it down to show days where I was above 2000 calories, I get 17.  I failed to track on 5 of those days so they get counted as days above as I’m sure that they were.  As of today I’ve lost just shy of 2 pounds.

There’s a lot of room for improvement in the diet category and, as always most of these bad calories come from having a drink or 2 at night to get to sleep.  On days where I didn’t do this, I was well below even my restricted calorie goal.

Still, overall I’m doing better with drinking empty calories.  As of the beginning of the year, there was nowhere for me to go but up in that respect, and I have made iterative improvements.  I’m not happy with where I’m at but I am satisfied that I’ve done better.

While I can’t say I’m happy with the results from January, I can say that I’m optimistic in that I see a lot of room for improvement.  My goal was to do this for a month and see what I discovered but now I can say that I definitely plan to continue.  I want to see if we can do better and measure the steps that we take to get there.

Not much to say about yesterday except that I did what I said I was going to do.  I cleaned the house and played my video game until it was time to pick up the kiddo from dance.  In fact, I pretty much finished it.  I’m on some kind of epilogue now but the main storyline is finished.  This makes me kind of sad as it was a very fun experience and I hate for it to be over.

Today I’ve got to make a choice between cleaning the house and getting a haircut.  I put both on my list but there won’t be time enough to get to each of them.  I should probably get a haircut but I do like to have a clean house as well and that would help the family during what is already going to be a hectic and stressful Friday.

I can pretty much guaranty that we will be starting off February behind with regards to Restaurant expenses due to having YAGP this weekend.  I’m sending the kid all of my luck.

Me Time (Or something like that)

Today has been crazy busy at work so I’m not sure how long this entry will be.  I’ll probably just write on it when I can and update it whenever it feels complete.  There wasn’t anything important that went on yesterday, just a lot of unimportant things.

Oh Wait…  I guess that’s a lie.

Elissa got accepted into the Tampa program so now we have a real horserace on our hands.  The Nashville Ballet is a true company program but the Tampa School teaches Balanchine, which could lead to a gateway to SAB.  She wants to go to SAB so it would make sense for her to go there but at the same time, many former dancers we’ve talked to speak highly of the Nashville Ballet and also, they have a reputation for promoting from within.  Of course, there’s still Bolshoi coming up next weekend so we don’t have the complete picture but as of now, Tampa and Nashville are to two frontrunners. 

I’m afraid that there’s going to come a moment when my girls look at me and ask me which one I would prefer her going to and, as of now, I don’t have an answer.  In my gut, I like the Nashville program but I’m also aware that Elissa doesn’t have strong Balanchine training and the Tampa program would provide that possibly opening up a gateway to SAB.  I like both but my heart is in Nashville and there’s really no good reason for it except that they’ve made their process more painless than any other and they were the first to want her.

I didn’t make myself a very challenging list for yesterday but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t busy.  Did grocery shopping at lunch, came home after work and cooked for everyone, went to Rodeo rehearsal (ouch), and then home to fold clothes.  It was definitely a busy day but I never really felt overwhelmed.  I did however, get really sad when I went to lay down after Rodeo and saw that there were still clothes to be folded.

The rehearsal times were posted wrong for Rodeo so I had about 30 minutes to kill before we started.  Spent that time just talking with the other dads and the ballet director.  I felt good talking to them all (not common) and it was nice.  I think the rigor of this experience is giving us all a sense of mutual respect for one another.  Not sure how long it will last (as that place has a ruthless pecking order) but it’s nice right now.

It got cold overnight so the dog had to sleep inside.  Of course he cried and barked and of course I got up in the middle of the night several times to scold him.  It all makes me feel terrible.  I feel badly for scolding him and I feel badly because I’m not sleeping.  He used to not be this way and now this has been the norm for almost 4 months and it doesn’t appear to be stopping.

Tonight, I have very few plans.  Of course, I will have enough free time to tile, but I’m so sore and beat up from Rodeo that I just don’t want to jump headfirst into another intensive and painful task tonight.  I’m essentially taking the evening off.  I will take the trash out, help with the clothes, pick up whatever needs to be picked up, get the kid from dance tonight, and whatever else I need to do but I’m not going to tile.  Instead I’m going to use that time to play video games and I’ll probably feel guilty about it the whole time.

Dance Urslf to Death

I don’t even know how to classify this weekend.  In many ways it was a complete and total failure.  I ate too many calories, drank too much a times, and didn’t get much done.  But also, I spent almost all of my free time at the studio working on Rodeo.

Yup from Friday night to Saturday afternoon I felt like we were running that dance on a continuous loop.  I hurt my elbow pretty bad but still kept on.  In my down time, I felt completely spent, like I was sick or dying.  Went to bed on Friday literally shaking because I was in so much pain.

Dana said on Saturday that most of us dad’s looked pretty spent.  Honestly, only 3 of us managed to make it for that rehearsal.  Not sure where the others were but I’m glad I went.  I think it helped.

So yeah, I didn’t get much done this weekend but that’s only because I was being forced to dance myself half to death from Friday to Saturday night.  On Sunday Elissa had an audition for Ballet West (she got accepted but not at the main campus) and then there were cats to clean.  I didn’t get home till around 8pm.

I really wish that my kid could catch a break once in a while with this dance stuff.  Sometimes it feels like everyone around her is getting great opportunities and being cast in exciting parts and she always get the breadcrumbs.  I don’t know what the problem is. 

When I see her in class and on stage, she looks good to me.  She says she working hard and I don’t often hear any criticisms from her teachers.  I know that she could apply herself more diligently in many ways but so could many of her peers.  It just makes me feel badly for her.

I could almost believe

So I did drink too much last night but, unlike last week, it wasn’t because I was feeling badly about the way that things had gone.  Instead, it was almost the opposite.  We were having too much fun watching videos and talking and we each probably had too many.  It was a fun night.

I surprised myself yesterday but cleaning the house and the pool.  I wanted to do both, but as the day wore on, I started to get sore and tired from all of the rehearsals I’ve been to this week.  I came home completely convinced that I was just going to lie down on the bed until it was time to take Elissa off to dance.

What greeted me, when I walked through the door, was Dana busy picking up the kitchen and cleaning the bathrooms.  Apparently she had a conference to go to on Friday and wouldn’t be able to take care of things around the house so she was trying to get out in front of it.  I joined in.

My specialty is the floors so I vacuumed, swept, and mopped.  Once that was done, the kiddo headed off to shower while Dana worked on transferring files from her phone to her computer.  Since everyone was busy, I cleaned the pool.

Don’t get me wrong, with all of the work going on at the house my floors aren’t pristine and the pool was so bad that one cleaning isn’t going to cut it but, things are moving in the right direction.  I almost feel optimistic about stuff right now.  Like, if I close my eyes, I could almost believe that I’d be able to finish the house remodel by summer and lose 10 pounds.

Fine

Wow, look at me crossing off all of my task in one day!  Of course, this list was seriously restricted because of the Rodeo rehearsals last night but still…

Speaking of Rodeo, I kinda, sorta, feel like I may finally be getting the first 2 sections.  There are parts where I still struggle but it’s starting to feel a little bit more natural.  If I had time to practice more on my own, I’m sure that I could do it well but as it stands now, I will count just remembering all of the moves and the order in which they come as a victory in and of itself.

Tonight is Thursday which means that it’s Dana’s and my date night.  My hope is that it goes better than last week and the conversation flows with more smiles and fewer barbed comments.  It has every reason to be a happy experience because Dana and the kid are going out today to have an interactive otter feeding experience and everyone “should” be happy but “should” don’t mean shit where happiness is concerned in my family. 

I also hope I don’t drink too much.

When I got in from rehearsal last night, Dana and the kiddo were sacked out on the bed talking and having fun.  I was happy to see them enjoying themselves even though I felt a little left out (as I do often these days).  Then, almost as soon as I walked in the room they fell asleep.

Fine. 

I was tired, so that was okay.  Got the dog ready, moved the kid into her room, locked the doors, shut off the lights, brushed my teeth, put on my jammies and went to bed.  Then the goddamned dog started whining so I got up and took him out and watched him pee in 33 degree weather, then back inside, locked him up again and laid down.  Then he started whining again.

I ended up getting up and just basically yelling at him until he stopped.  It makes me feel bad to have had to do that but I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do.  I’ve tried to wait him out before and he just goes on for hours and hours.  He used to not be this way and I hate it.

Anyway, to make a long story short, after all of that was done, I had a shot and a beer to help myself fall asleep.  My calories were still within the range of what they should have been yesterday, I still lost weight, I’m in no way hung over, yet I still regret it.  I’m developing better habits but sometimes the old ones are easy to fall back on when everything’s a struggle.  

No Daylight

I’m kind of impressed with myself for yesterday.  I made an ambitious list for the day and got almost everything done on it.  In all honestly, I could have probably laid a piece of tile or two to get that final check but it just wasn’t worth it.  I played Red Dead 2 instead before having to leave to pick up the kiddo at 8:45.

Some of the other dads who are in this dance with me decided to get together for an impromptu practice session amongst themselves yesterday.  I absolutely need more time to learn that dance but I don’t regret taking a pass on going over it with them last night.  For one, I’m not a fan of most of them so I’d rather not subject myself to their company more that I absolutely have to and for another, I have so little free time as it is, I needed yesterday to catch up on some things around the house.

Speaking of no time, I got a semi-passive aggressive email from my mom’s old friend today wondering if I wasn’t answering her because I thought she was crazy.  Honestly, that’s not at all the case and it had only been about 24 hours since her last email.  I just don’t have any time and was trying to not give a vague or brief response when I wrote back.

Work is crazy today so I’ll probably cut today’s entry short and stop right here.  Once again, I managed to fall asleep without having a beer or a shot but it was a restless night.  The cat’s got something wrong with his bladder right now (the vet said it will pass) and he was all over the place making noise all night long.

Short and Scattered

Yay, I lost weight and ate right yesterday! I also managed to fall asleep (somewhat) without the aid of a shot of liquor.  I’m sure that the intense Rodeo rehearsal that we had yesterday helped, and I also didn’t try to force it, but it was good to be able to sleep naturally even though it was a very uneasy and often interrupted slumber.

I didn’t get much done on my to-do list yesterday.  I don’t know why I put down both “Pick up flooring” and “Make Amazon Returns” on the same list because there’s no way that I could have done both due to time.  Also, 2.5 hours of Rodeo rehearsals didn’t help matters.

For some reason, I woke up this morning in a pretty crappy mood. The dog was whining at 5am and the sound of it just set me off.  Trying to not hang on to it but man, the feeling of absolute hatred towards everything was so strong when I got up this morning it’s hard to shake.  This isn’t directed at my girls, of course, but rather at the world in general. 

Tonight I’ve got a busy to-do list but I don’t really expect to get to much of it.  If I can get the pool motor installed I will be very impressed with myself.  I hope that Dana has a good day at work and that Elissa has a good day at school and in her dance classes.

Pure Optimism

Happy Martin Luther King Day! 

The girls have today off but I have to work.  I think they’re planning to go shoe shopping which sounds very decadent but really isn’t because they both need shoes pretty badly.  Not sure what else they have lined up… probably just obsess over dance and dancers.

As you can see, this weekend was a big goose-egg as far as ticking off tasks goes.  It wasn’t like I wasn’t busy, I just didn’t get to anything on my list.  In fact, there was very little time over the weekend when I wasn’t occupied or obligated.

Friday night was Pas and Rodeo class till 8pm and afterwards, we sat out on the back porch and ate some delicious pizza that Dana had cooked up.  It was a really nice night and we had fun taking turns dancing on the deck for one another and just talking and joking.  Of course, I was really tired but still managed to stay up past midnight just enjoying the good times.

Saturday I took Elissa off to dance, managed to get my oil changed, and bought a cowboy hat for the performance.  I’ve never owned a legitimate piece of western wear in my entire life and I was shocked at how expensive all of these adult cowboy costumes are.  Most of the hats were $100 or more!  The one I got was around $70 and people at the studio really seemed to like it so I guess I did okay.

Boots were around $180 and up.  I even saw a few pairs that were $1000.  I’m hoping I don’t have to spend more than $60 or so on them so I’ve been looking on ebay and I did submit a bid for a used pair last night that I will likely win.  Even used, it’s going to come to about $80 with shipping and all so I HOPE PEOPLE ARE HAPPY THAT I’M IN THIS BALLET!  It’s costing me a fortune in stupid cowboy duds and lost time.

Speaking of lost time, we were told after practice that our rehearsals are being extended to 2 hours 4 times a week.  Yay.

Anyway, once rehearsal was over Dana and I drove out to Dallas to watch the kiddo perform at the Latino Cultural Center.  It was a nice performance and I thought that she did well in her part but it went on about 4 songs too long.  By the time it ended, I was definitely ready for it to be over.

Sunday we went off to Dallas so that Elissa could audition at SMU for SAB.  She really seemed to enjoy it and I hope she gets in but the competition is going to be intense for that one.  I guess it’s best not to get too excited but I hope she gets accepted (even though it’ll cost us a small fortune) and I wish her luck.

Once that was over we ate lunch and headed off to Fort Worth to let her audition for OKCB.  While she was there, we realized that we weren’t going to have time to clean out the cats cages at Petsmart once she was finished so I ran all the way back to Mansfield to clean them and then back just in time to pick up the girls.  It wasn’t that big of a deal but still, I was worried that I wouldn’t make it back in time.

Nobody really seemed to care for the OKCB experience and we decided it would probably be last on the list of programs when we’re considering them all.  Dana didn’t like the vibe, Elissa didn’t like the class, and I just felt that the whole thing was sort of Mickey[BR1]   Mouse and organized poorly.

Overall I ate too much and drank too much this weekend but I feel like this is the last of it.  I’m sure that I will have losing days again in the future but I don’t think I will ever have one as bad as any single one of them this weekend.  I feel a change in my mindset to where I’m just tired of being tired and feeling fat and aching all the time and I’m ready to do something about it.  I guess time will tell if that feeling is real or not but for now, it’s one of the few bits of pure optimism that I have in my life.