Fine

Wow, look at me crossing off all of my task in one day!  Of course, this list was seriously restricted because of the Rodeo rehearsals last night but still…

Speaking of Rodeo, I kinda, sorta, feel like I may finally be getting the first 2 sections.  There are parts where I still struggle but it’s starting to feel a little bit more natural.  If I had time to practice more on my own, I’m sure that I could do it well but as it stands now, I will count just remembering all of the moves and the order in which they come as a victory in and of itself.

Tonight is Thursday which means that it’s Dana’s and my date night.  My hope is that it goes better than last week and the conversation flows with more smiles and fewer barbed comments.  It has every reason to be a happy experience because Dana and the kid are going out today to have an interactive otter feeding experience and everyone “should” be happy but “should” don’t mean shit where happiness is concerned in my family. 

I also hope I don’t drink too much.

When I got in from rehearsal last night, Dana and the kiddo were sacked out on the bed talking and having fun.  I was happy to see them enjoying themselves even though I felt a little left out (as I do often these days).  Then, almost as soon as I walked in the room they fell asleep.

Fine. 

I was tired, so that was okay.  Got the dog ready, moved the kid into her room, locked the doors, shut off the lights, brushed my teeth, put on my jammies and went to bed.  Then the goddamned dog started whining so I got up and took him out and watched him pee in 33 degree weather, then back inside, locked him up again and laid down.  Then he started whining again.

I ended up getting up and just basically yelling at him until he stopped.  It makes me feel bad to have had to do that but I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do.  I’ve tried to wait him out before and he just goes on for hours and hours.  He used to not be this way and I hate it.

Anyway, to make a long story short, after all of that was done, I had a shot and a beer to help myself fall asleep.  My calories were still within the range of what they should have been yesterday, I still lost weight, I’m in no way hung over, yet I still regret it.  I’m developing better habits but sometimes the old ones are easy to fall back on when everything’s a struggle.